I just had to write this bad boy after the outpouring of love from a recent Instagram story I posted that went a little something like this:
”I’ve been apologizing for going to led classes lately, and it’s not sitting well with me.
I know I am EXTREMELY privileged to be able to do what I do for a living, but that’s not the same as practicing. Self-practice, led-practice, whatever kind of practice it may be, is for Y O U. When you’re teaching, or doing your job, that’s for others. Huge difference. Just because I want an hour to myself a day does not mean that I don’t bust my ass the other waking hour of the day, and it does not mean that I’m “wasting my time,” or could be more productive.
WE ARE HUMANS. We are not meant to be plugged in and powered on all the time. We’re meant to breathe and move, and socialize, and laugh and play, and let go and release, and be still sometimes. Just wanted to put this out there for anyone else enjoying “their stuff” lately and feeling bad for it, or feeling like you should be doing anything else but taking care of YOU at that time. Nuh uhh! We all need to fill our cups, we all need to do things for ourselves, so staaaahp feeling bad, and just feel your body and your mind and YOURSELF.
So it was pretty clear I was a little amped about the topic, eh?
But the amount of people who reached out to express feeling the same way, to continue the conversation - most of these people being women, I have to add - made me grateful to have an abundant community of support around me, but more importantly to let others know that the support is there.
We are all going through some form of this at some point or another.
Whether it be external relationships dictating this feeling of guilt on you (not okay, by the way!)
or your own internal battles that you have with yourself (definitely my hard lean)
why are we always feeling so damn guilty?
I’ve always been one to feel guilty about everything.
Taking the last cookie? Not me!
The dog is crying to go outside, and I ask my partner to let him out? Instant regret - no, no, I’ll do it.
I become a little more authoritative in my kids classes because things are going to shit? you know I’m going to replay that in my head a million times because I had to be stern.
Oh, and sick days? I better be dying.
Where did we get this mentality that we have to constantly be the better, stronger, dare I say it - perfect - versions of ourselves?
That we can always hold down the fort, that others can always lean on and depend on us, that we will always be level-headed and know the right answer every time.
That is absurd.
Why is the saying, “you’re your own worst critic,” even a thing?
What about your own BIGGEST FAN?
Why aren’t we building ourselves up in the best ways we know how?
If that’s movement for you - go and move.
If that’s stillness for you - be still.
If that’s reading, writing, dancing, taking a walk, talking to a friend, indulging in pizza, whatever it may be - go and do that.
And stop letting that inner or outer nag be the boss of how you feel about that.
I work with a lot of incredible, amazing, and hard-working entrepreneurs, as well as others who work the 9-5 gig - and we are all guilty of feeling guilty.
How are we ever going to learn if we don’t look at our mistakes with compassion?
How are we ever going to get better if we just keep grinding and beating ourselves down?
We’re not - it’s that simple.
We’re moving into a Full Moon in Libra on Wednesday - ruling over our relationships and balance.
No wonder I had this little rant! Can we find our balance in helping ourselves, helping others, and being at peace with the decisions that we make?
I’ve decided that my work moving into this moon cycle will be to be more specific in my schedule. Instead of just noticing that I have a 3 hour gap of time midday, an hour will go to emails, another to social media, and another to self-practice, or having coffee with a friend. I’m hoping that this will help me to feel better about my choices, that I can stay on task, and that that hour to myself is there for a reason.
I don’t know if it’s going to work. I don’t know if it will get me to lean into self-worth and out of self-guilt. I don’t know if it will just lead to another rant, but I’m going to try and see what happens. Maybe it’s a lesson in what doesn’t work for me, if nothing else.
Shameless Offering Plug: If you’re into these vibes, and just want a little more guidance into this sort of work. You just need some prompts to express what you’re feeling so that you can work through and process it. If you enjoy light snacks, head massages, restoratively moving your body, and head massages, we’ll be delving into this work on Wednesday, March 20th with the Full Moon illuminating our path at our Calmunity Moon Gathering at HER Place in Newmarket. It’s an opportunity to explore intuition, intention, and community in a small, intimate setting. We still have a few spots left, so get them while they’re hot here.
I hope this post speaks to at least one person tonight, and helps you realize that it’s okay to do things for yourself, it’s okay to be a mess, and it’s okay to not always have it together - and you do not have to apologize for it.
Grow through what you go through.
So much love and gratitude.
Good night, yogis!